Religious Faiths as Ex-Girlfriends

I had a long visit over coffee with Jonathan this evening. In the course of the conversation, I alluded to my involvement with the Ordo Templi Orientis and compared it to a girlfriend being told it was time to go. This analogy kind of rolled on its own and seems worth following up on…

So, religious paths as ex-girlfriends… We’ve all been there after all.

Thelema and the OTO

The freaky ex-girlfriend who likes her sex kinky, her parties wild, and her drugs. She goes clubbing, dresses all in black, and has the razor scars on the wrists to show that she’s serious. She has a lot of interesting ideas but draws the wrong sort of crowd because of her reputation when she was young. These days she’s more likely to want to go to mass and do a bake sale but the expectations of youth are hard to live down and she secretly revels in it.

I’m sorry, Dear, but it’s time to go. The times were good but I just can’t keep up with you anymore. You’ve changed or maybe I have. Besides, for all of your crazy college days and weird stories, you’re pretty conventional these days, aren’t you? It’s all work, work, work.


Wicca is like that hippie chick you liked in college. She’s all about the Goddess, womyn power (I wouldn’t understand because I have an outie, not an innie), and not shaving her pits. She’s sweet and she likes to dance and get freaky in the woods but there isn’t a lot of there there…if you know what I mean. I mean, dancing naked around a bonfire reeking of pouchouli is fun and all but the conversations never go anywhere. She complains about your “kablahblah” and rolls her eyes while mumbling about patriarchal power schemes. She can’t stop talking about Roman Catholicism and how wrong she was for you…in fact, she seems pretty obsessed with her sometimes.


The most conventional girl that you could ever date. Kind of plain but with that long blonde hair and incredible…assets… She likes to cook, drink beer, and sit in front of the fire. All in all, a relatively “normal” girl…and that’s the problem. It is like you’re dating your second-cousin or the girl next door… She seems to have a bit of a drinking problem as well and is always bitching about your ex, Wicca, but sometimes they don’t seem that far apart. Of course, your normal girl next door doesn’t have those friends with the shaved heads who mutter about racial purity, stare strangely at your gay friends, and like to play dress up with swords and tunics but that is a little embarrassing detail that doesn’t come up too often (unless you look).

Roman Catholicism

Like Asatru, she’s a conventional girl. She has a large family but they’re a bit domineering, especially her dad. It’s all about rules, rules, rules. She’d really like to have more fun but she always feels so guilty about it afterwards. Of course, she dresses really well (talk about clothes!), sings, and puts on a great performance. She isn’t afraid to get into it but she hasn’t been the same since the 60’s when she started doing everything in English and using a guitar for accompaniment. It’s pretty clear that The Passion is her favorite movie, which is pretty disturbing given the S&M content but she says it is all about love after all…